Mother's Day Weekend 2021 - (from the Director)
The word "mom" was something I cherished as I grew up with the dream of being called "mom" someday. I always wanted to be a mom. I started babysitting when I was 9 years old. I would always stop by the baby nursery at church on Sundays just to have a peek in at all the cute babies. I volunteered in the toddler Nursery so I could sit and read stories to them and be over dramatic and they would think it was fun and not silly like my peers at the time. People had me on a waiting list for weekend babysitting when I became a teenager. I did all kinds of summer training on how to teach kids and do camps like backyard Bible Club with fun and games. I wanted to initially be a pediatrician so I could help children be healthy and help them if they needed to get better. That aspiration quickly diminished when I struggled to pass math and realized that would be important in that field. So, I then switched to getting my degree in Music Education. I knew this was something that would reach children too, and hopefully bring a learning accomplishment and lifting spirits through music.
While I was in college, my experience that led to an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy was traumatic. It left me with so many different emotions. I was mad, sad, overwhelmed, confused, and at times, even bitter. Why? Why did it have to happen to me? Even though I had always wanted to be a mom, this wasn't the way I wanted it to happen. So, I had to bring in all my emotions and try to think about what would be best for my child. I still had a couple of years left of college, and I would have had to be a single mom. I knew that it would be important for my son to have two parents in his life...especially with how he had come into the world. I wanted him to know that regardless of the circumstances of how things happened, that he was still wanted and there was a purpose for his life. I loved him, even though the circumstances were very confusing at that time. I made a choice of adoption because I knew that was the best thing for him and his life. I wanted him to have a strong identity and a solid home environment where he felt loved and cherished as much as I loved and cherished him.
I will never forget meeting his mom and dad for the first time. It was emotional and loving and accepting. There were no questions, confusion, or awkwardness. It felt like I had known them all my life. This was the right plan. It was always meant to be. I was a mom, but I also could give that to another precious woman whose heart immediately loved my son as soon as she heard about him. Every Mother's Day since has been unique with its own set of emotions. After placing my son with his family, I didn't know how to act the next year when in church they asked all the mom's to stand up to honor them on Mother's Day. I stayed seated. I felt like I was his mom in a distant kind of way, but another mom could take that honor to stand up in her church that day.
Years later when I was married and wanting to be a mom with my husband, I went through years of "unexplained infertility"... 6 years of it in fact. Those Mother's Day Sundays then had a whole different meaning. I was sad... I was trying so hard to be a mom and truly feeling the loss and sadness of not standing for other reasons now. It became a dreaded day. I got mad at the pastors too for not thinking about us "birth moms" or how about just honoring women, not just "mothers"... many women are a mother figure to children, such as teachers, doctors, nurses, daycare workers, etc. I felt broken. I felt like all these people were being recognized, applauded, honored, but what about the rest of us?
So, today, in honor of those that ARE moms, EXPECTANT moms, Birth moms, ALMOST moms, WAITING moms, and just women who are MENTORS for moms... all the women out there that play a motherly role or in the process of becoming that in the future.... you are not broken, you are honored, applauded, and loved. I personally know the different emotions you can go through! I am here to tell you, now 32 years later, that I am a "birth mom" to one, "adoptive mom" to three, "biological mom" to two others. Your day will come! You will be blessed! I am blessed beyond measure! I do stand in church now on Mother's Day...but never without remembering all the previous ones that I felt those different emotions, and not without thinking about the "not yet" moms that may be sitting there or the moms that have chosen adoption as a deep motherly love. Hold your head up high! Some of us have a different journey to our motherhood. Your day will be there and you will get to hear those words, "I love you MOM!" or "Thank you Mom!" and you will be able to wear that title with pride!
~Thinking of you today!!