Growing up I was taught that true and genuine love is doing what is best for the object of that love regardless of one’s wants and/or needs. That is oftentimes a sacrificial love. It can be challenging. It can mean standing up against all of the voices to choose love. I have seen that kind of sacrificial love play out in adoption quite often. Some people in the general public or even our own families don’t always understand that creating an adoption plan is the most genuine and loving thing that a birth parent can do. It’s loving a piece of yourself enough to recognize the hopes and dreams that you have for yourself as well as the child. It’s recognizing what you are emotionally able to provide, sometimes even over the physical needs. You very well may be able to provide financial basics, but can you provide all that a child needs as far as mental and emotional?
It is especially difficult when one parent realizes this, and finally comes to the choice of adoption and the other parent (or other family members) of the child decides they want different things than the other parent. They may be a genuinely good person and able to provide financially for the child, but if a fight goes down and then the mom is forced to parent the child against her will or even feeling connected to the child, it can create a whole different world for the child. While the parent may have the best intentions, and even truly love the child, the potential fight, emotional instability, and non-connection the one parent could have to the child, could likely damage the child for life. That child could grow up being shuffled around from family member to family member, be put into an unhealthy situation, and even more than that... could potentially be damaged beyond repair at the rejection and non-bonding that happens if a person is coerced into parenting. A parent could even carry resentment for the child that is felt throughout the child’s life. A child needs a parent’s love and connection. They need to feel peace and security and not instability and insecurity of being shuffled around, or just being in an unwanted or unprepared situation.
So many parents love their children, but not ready to be parents. They want their child to live and that's why they chose not to abort, even when they didn't want to parent. However, too many are forced into parenting against their will. This can create problems on so many levels. So, to the parents that choose life - that can recognize what they are capable of and not - that choose adoption because it is not only giving life, it is provided life to the child - we thank you for that unselfish love!
To the parents out there - that are trying, but recognize they aren't all the child needs - and can think beyond themselves to again, through adoption provide a life for their child they aren't able to give them - we respect you and our hats are off to you. We understand that many parents feel and are pressured into that responsibility of taking care of “business,” but I strongly encourage you to reconsider how you go about taking care of business. A child isn’t a trophy. A child isn’t a pawn. Sometimes responsibility looks a little different... maybe you are providing through another family. Maybe you decide to be an added love and support throughout the child’s life through open adoption. You can be there to love them and know the child forever, but you are giving them a home that’s prepared, stable, and filled with so much love!
This is not an easy choice. I will always encourage a couple to parent if they genuinely believe that they can and that it’s the most loving choice. A parent’s bond is so important, but there’s also a flip side that needs to also be recognized. We recognize it can be especially difficult when adoption may go against cultures, churches, family, or even close friends. Those speaking into the situation may not be the ones who have the responsibility for the best interest and future of the child. Sometimes it just takes being brave and making a courageous decision! Going against others can be one of the hardest things you will do. Adoption is sometimes also one of the hardest things you will do, but it’s also one of the greatest choices in the world! Love is doing what is best for the object of that love regardless of your wants and/or needs.